And Then The Pigs Magically Became….Sausages

On Saturday we went to one of my favourite local spots in Bavaria, a tiny, picturesque village up in the hills with a farm, adjoining restaurant, and a 5-star bakery.

I’ve never heard of a 5-star bakery before and I’m not exactly sure why the Kasprowicz in Gut Kerschlach is one, except for the sign outside saying it is and the exceptionally good cakes.

But at least I can now say that I have been to a 5-star bakery, even if there weren’t any limos parked outside, high-class hookers hanging out at the counter or bread rolls lounging around in tuxedos smoking cigars.

To get to the village you have to drive to another small village in the south of Bavaria called Pahl, and walk 20 minutes or so along a trail through tall forests and rolling countryside with gorgeous Alpine views.

It’s very pretty to say the least.

Once more it’s great for kids, because there’s very little traffic up there, and you can tour the farm with its kids’ park and zoo, with  moo moos, bunnies, baa baas and neeeee-ighs! (This is how I talk now I have a 16-month-old).

Now we all know how much kids love animals. And how much nicer it is to see them on an ‘eco’ farm, being treated all humanely and stuff. It was a lovely family outing, and our hearts were literally singing with joy as we skipped around in the sunshine like characters from a Disney movie, talking to the animals all Dr Dolittle like.

But sadly we were unable to find the oink oinks. The map showed their barn as being at the back of the farm. But they were nowhere to be found.

Max has just learnt how to make grunts like a pig.  When you’re a parent and your child learns to make grunts like a pig, THIS IS ONE OF THE HIGLIGHTS OF YOUR YEAR.  Therefore, we had to find those smelly noisy pink buggers as if our lives depended on it.

After ten minutes of frantic searching, we found what we thought was the pig area. Hooray! Max’s face lit up, and he started making his cute oink oink noises.

We all skipped over holding hands, with grins like the Cheshire Cat (not really but got to keep up the Disney-esque-ness of it all). We had found the pigs!

But instead of the pigs we actually found this….a sausage factory.

Are you having a laugh? Who puts a sausage factory on a farm for kids, right where the pigs are meant to be? That’s the wurst!

There wasn’t even an attempt to disguise the factory of horrors. There’s a whopping great big sign on the sausage factory announcing it’s a sausage factory, explaining to the children what happens to the animals inside. The way they break the news is quite hilarious. The sign is in German, but let me (or Google) translate.

“Kerschlach Factory. Here the animals that come from the farm and from partner companies are slaughtered in an animal friendly-way and are transformed into speciality sausages.”

“Transformed.” What a nice way of putting it.

It was a sad end to a beautiful day. We trundled off, heads bowed,  looking and feeling grim. Damn those Germans for always being so brutally honest and direct. Practicality rules over everything here. Feelings don’t always count. That’s why there was a sausage factory on a farm for kids. That’s why my friend’s nan lives in a sheltered housing scheme for the elderly with great views of the cemetery over the road. That’s why people here still wear Crocs – in public.

Although I have to admit, I have enjoyed a German sausage or two in my time.  They taste amazing. I guess there’s no point hiding the truth of what happens to most pigs in what is the land of sausages. In Britain I doubt this scenario would have existed, for fear of being insensitive and giving children nightmares. Not in Bavaria!

And at least, like whenever something doesn’t go to plan here, we can cheer up over five-star cake.

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19 thoughts on “And Then The Pigs Magically Became….Sausages

  1. Poor little pigs.
    Although I am a sausage fan as well.

  2. That is awful and hilarious at the same time! I have a 15 month old boy so I didn’t even question the animal noises written out and had to laugh when you mentioned it. I guess it’s “mom speak”. At least that’s one language other than English I’m fluent in!

  3. Hi! Just wanted to let you know I have nominated you for an award….you can find it here:
    http://fromcasinostocastles.com/2013/08/21/awarding-wednesday/

  4. Oops, poor piggies. Sausages ARE delicious though!

  5. It doesn’t even look particularly 5 star as I feel like it just looks like a Neff Cafe, but if it tasted 5 stars I’m pretty sure I’d sacrifice a full day to get there.

  6. Great post!
    Love your outside view on my beloved Bavaria.
    Keep on the good work.

  7. Hello! I might be wrong but I think I remember that gastronomy facilities can achieve a maximum of 4 stars only. Regarding the slaughterhouse on the farm: In my opinion, kids who eat meat have the right to know where it comes from. It is wrong to tell them their daily wurstbrot is magically teleported into the fridge by care bears. If kids know that a living being has to be sacrificed for a meal, they will learn about the value of food. No offense, but it is up to you whether you bring your child to such a farm. Always consider that Bavaria is a little tougher than the rest of Germany and local parents will not be as concerned or startled as people from the rest of Germany or from abroad who live here but weren’t born here. Feel free to disagree 😀

    • Hello Christian Thanks for your comments. Yes it’s good that kids know where their food comes from. But the juxtapositioning of things here does make me smile. But it’s not to be taken seriously. And neither are most of the articles on this blog. It’s just a light-hearted dig and observation of how different things here can be. Which is a good thing, because it would be very boring if everywhere was the same 🙂

  8. I agree with Christian, parents like to raise their kids honestly and strong here 🙂
    It reminds me on a placard in Munich saying “The place where Munich finds peace/silence”.
    The macabre thing about it is, that it’s in front of a graveyard…
    So, if you want to find peace in Munich, you know where to go 🙂

  9. So good! Loving your blog. The wife and I are headed to Bavaria in a couple weeks and your blog has given some great insights. The gym sauna one was hilarious!

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