One of the best bits of mixing with foreigners is their hilarious grasp of the English language.
And while I commend anyone for learning and having the guts to speak in another language, it’s still really funny when they mess up.
Here are the top ten clangers/laugh out loud things I’ve heard during my time in Germany.
- “My B.A. smells.” I think the German guy in question meant B.O.
- “I have pins and nails.” That would be pins and needles then.
- “Yummy. Lamp!” It’s lamb actually. And on that note, “vegetables” is not pronounced “veg-e-tables” like the piece of furniture.
- A German doctor: “Would you like the anti-baby pill?” A pill that stops you from getting pregnant and repels all other babies? Brilliant! Ja bitte!
- Same German doctor, about to carry out a vaginal examination: “And now let’s check the situation in your vagina.” And upon finishing: “The situation is good!”
- A woman about to have some stitches in her arm taken out: “I’m going to have my ropes removed.”
- A typically direct German guy – trying not to be direct – to my American friend: “I don’t know how to say this nicely but I really want to f*** you.”
- My mother-in-law when I asked where her son was: “He is outside having a sh**.” She meant smoke.
- My German midwife, while I was giving birth: “Press! Press!”
- An inquisitive German: “What’s a muff?”